


Send Away

by chanheeslatte



Series: Gently, Autumn [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Han Jisung | Han is a Sweetheart, Han jisung | Han / Lee Minho | Lee Know, Letters, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 00:17:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19779394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanheeslatte/pseuds/chanheeslatte
Summary: Dear Minho,





	Send Away

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short letter.

_Dear Minho_ ,

outside it is getting darker, but even the sky is still confused: rain, or sun? Clouds, or stars?   
Autumn is almost here.   
I can hear Him knocking on the door, as I'm crouched down right behind it, waiting for Him to give up and go away. I don't want to face Him, not at all. Autumn means falling leaves.  
Autumn means no more you, and if there is no more you, why would there be even just a piece of me?

Autumn means self-destruction.

But dear Minho,

how are you? When I look at you out of the corner of my eye, as you sit at our table, staring at that cold meal of ours, the only thing I can see is a storm at sea; the only thing I can smell is wood that burns.

How are you Minho, now that you don't love me anymore? I can't guarantee you I'm able (or that I will be) to do the same, nor that I can handle this situation between us, because it is ripping me apart.  
Still, I tried. I tried hard to say 'no' and keep you away so that our love story could have ended already. I tried and tried again, as well as us both tried and tried again to get on with our relationship.

But why didn't it work? Why isn't it working?

Don't you ask yourself that, sometimes? Because I always do: when I look at you, when I get lulled by your arms, when I talk to you, when I cry hiding in the bathroom, when I'm alone, when we're together.  
I ask myself the same questions each and every day, at every hour, as I tell the air it isn't anyone's fault: to blame one of us would be way too difficult, and to blame something we can't touch with hands would be just stupid.

Youth? Time? No, there are things that see a start but never an end, and there are things that start and end.

I'm okay, though, Minho. You don't have to worry: if I tell myself I'm doing fine, I will be fine. I am fine.   
As you said before, I just need to see the positive side of the situation, because a bulb can always be changed, when it does not share no more light.

But what do you hide behind all those smiles and those tired eyes? Why don't you let go, if we already are miles apart? Why don't you cut the thread that connects us, if it is already breaking by itself?  
It would make things easier for the both of us, you know?

I could do that, I know, but I still love you.  
I'm still here.

I'm still here, Minho, but where are you?   
Amd where does the the border between love and loneliness lie?   
Does a place that feels like home really exist?

Hey, Minho, my heart hurts.  
I miss you so much.  
You are my addiction, and I just realised an addiction can't be broken that easily.  
So, please, come back to me.  
Whatever it may happen, come back to me.   
I beg you to.

But, maybe, that's not how things need to work in this galaxy: maybe I need to let go of you to find the peace, to break the addiction, to save myself.   
Perhaps, in another life, we can still be happy, and together. But not in this one.

I'm still me, the usual Jisung that once was your forever, and I don't know what changed between us, but the only thing I can see as I stare at my reflection in the mirror are tears; the only thing I can smell is my skin that burns.

I really hope, one day, we'll be able to live this love that is taking away it's own essence, and be together until the end of the world, as seasons pass and Autumn does not scare me so much anymore.

Now, the day is turning into night (the longest night of my life), and I keep on telling myself that if you go, I can survive with out you. But that's just a stupid lie I want my heart to listen, and I'm not ready: maybe, I will never be.

My love,

(I don't have the right to call you that no more, but let me do it for the last time, please)

I just want you to know that I still love you, and forever will. But if it is time for you to go, go.   
And if it is time for you to find something new, find something new.

I'll stay here, waiting for Autumn, as you let your leaves fall.   
I'll stay here, because you will not anymore, giving water to our plants and survive in front of the me the mirror will show.   
I'll stay here.

I love you,

 _Jisung_.


End file.
